Bantering Sisters are BAAAACK!

Stella: You know it wouldn't be fair if I didn't let Loki get in on this banter. The girl has been waiting for a year now to write something with me. It's the least I can do. So this is me being a good sister.

After I posted the latest blog, Loki shows up at our house and starts demanding to see these guys in her usual bossy, loud, opinionated way. I guess she thinks I'm exaggerating. So I agree to indulge her idea that maybe there is someone out there that I missed. Well, the girl is nuts. I pull up the photos of some of these chaps and immediately she starts screaming at me, "What about HIM?! He's.... sorta.... cute! Add him to your favorites!" or "He's not THAT bad. Email him!" or "He could grow on you! Talk to him!" She's ridiculous. At this point, I would pull up a second photo. Now, this is the killer-the second photo. As I have already said, the first photo that you select as your profile pic is going to be the most attractive you can possibly look. But you have to be equally good looking in the following pictures to be considered attractive. However, that is never the case. In the second or third or even fourth picture, you get a better idea of what they really look like. (ie, baldness, overweight, missing teeth.) Then you realize, Oh. That first picture was kind of deceiving. At least I tried though. I gave them the benefit of the doubt. What more can I possibly do? Now could you just imagine Loki trying to meet a guy online? No. It wouldn't happen.

Loki: Why Hello there blogger world. It has been way too looooong! What you do not know is that I have been periodically trying to start and write blogs and they have just sat there.... waiting on Stella. She would never budge. So to my utter surprise she texts me that she has written a blog and posted it. If I had her talents I would have been entertaining you week after week with my solo banter. You dear reader, would have been bored with my relentless whining about wanting a baby and my husband. Things could be worse I suppose. I could be searching for my soulmate on the internet.
Ding.
Just kidding Stella! I quite enjoyed the post and am rather excited that she has decided to venture to online dating. I don't  think that she can call it online dating unless she actually goes out on a date. Hence the dating part. I told her that she is not allowed to check this off as "attempted" until she does actually particpate in the website. I dont think she should have to settle and go on a date with someone she isnt remotely attracted to, but she should at least pay the stinkin $30 to accept these emails and perhaps actually try and get to know someone. (yes yes it would be difficult finding the true person, but you should be able to weed out the psychos through email ). It may take awhile for them to be up to her standards (I could make a joke right here...but will not) but surely some man will catch her fancy. I am also pretty sure there have been multiple "donations" for Stella to continue down this road. And why might I ask would it be funny imagining me trying to meet a guy online?!

Stella: I'm sorry, but I don't think you ever "dated" anyone yourself after high school. High school relationships do not count. Neither does meeting a man up at a bar. Drinking does not equal dating. So why am I supposed to go to these awkward, embarrassing dates with complete strangers? You want me to die. That's it. I'm already putting my life in jeopardy by joining this site. The whole point was that I gave it a try. T-R-Y. I feel like I need to go marry one of these guys to please you. You are just never pleased with me. I just can never do enough. I forgot to mention previously how Loki & Kung Fu Achi tried to set me up with Michael Jackson's nose twin already. And even this didn't please her because I didn't like him. I actually only agreed to this ludacris meeting because I was enticed with the idea of eating baked potato soup. But the soup was terrible and so was the guy. He is probably the biggest nerd I've ever met. Like he has the award framed and mounted on his wall and he is proud of it. And like I said, the nose was 100 times smaller than mine. It is quite possibly the tiniest nose I've ever seen. I doubt it has grown since he was an infant. He probably needs to have that checked out. This is an immediate disqualification in my book. His nose has to be larger or at least the same size as mine. I don't care if his butt is bigger.. Okay, I do. That should be bigger also. But I'm really more concerned about the nose. What if we had a child and they came out with a huge snoz? Then everyone would be like, "Aw.. he has his mom's nose!" Ah! Terrible! At least this way I could blame it on the dad. Well, I'm going back to my online shopping now.


Loki: Oh Stella! You do have a nose complex. I will admit that I didnt really know Michael Jackson's nose twin and the more I find out about him the more I do not like him. He is very conceited....and one of those guys that really shouldnt be.  I have gathered this information just by him coming in the office here. He thinks we should make more time for him "wink wink" . Umm... "No I said we only have 30 minutes available...not 45 minutes". Anyway yes you are right...I have not had to be a mature grown woman and actually date someone. It would be quite difficult, Yes. I just had to worry about the important things, like did he look cute, did he buy my drinks, and did my friends like him. Yes those were the important things in life when I was 20! Prior to 20 I had me some other relationships... but they too were way too serious to talk about. Pshh ya know we sat around in the apartment and ate pizza and watched a movie. Not exactly dating. So you are right. I would not know how to date at this point in my life. It would be very awkward. I do feel terribly sorry for you but that isnt going to get you a man either. and again... you did not give it a T-R-Y by just pulling up pictures of "available men". You might as well search on facebook for all "single" men in OKC. If you arent going to actually talk to someone and attempt to find a guy worth meeting in person than its not considered a TRY! What about speed dating? Im sure you can divulge much information out of someone in 30 seconds. Surely you can meet the man of your dreams that way.  (CLEARLY MEETING A MAN AT A BAR WORKED OUT FOR ME......RUDE) (this worked for me....again, I was 20! Not a mother of 30)

Stella: I forgot to mention that all the men that Loki thought were attractive on the online dating site were none other than Big T look-alikes. A younger, scrawnier, uglier version of my brother-in-law? No thank you. Also, she later found out MJ's nose twin was not even single! Uh, could you find that out first next time before you drag me somewhere? I guess that wasn't AS BAD as Mom's friend, FrogTails&Snails&Puppy-Something-or-Another, who tried to set me up with someone I was semi-related to! She did look through all her facebook friends for single men to set me up with and the only one she came up with was someone she knew in the 11th grade. I guess she didn't realize that people change from the time they are a junior in high school to age 33... Ha. And then lo and behold, it turns out his brother is married to my cousin. Ew. I know too much about that family to even look past that. Small noses and incest. These are my options? Help me, Rhonda. But I do have to give her an A for effort. It was the thought that counts I suppose.

Loki: That is not true. I think maybe one of those "attractive" men on the website was an ugly version of Big T. Clearly you are exaggerating. Im pretty sure if Channing Tatum or Ryan Reynolds was on there I would pick them too....and be sad that my husband does not look like them. And again this is all superficial stuff here. You have to actually get to know the person and of course if you like them, they become cuter to you. Good qualities in a husband is not just good-lookin. Or is it?

Who wants to marry him?!